English Lessons

Chat area.
Did you want to escape, try to escape the population?
User avatar
happening fish
Posts: 17934
Joined: 3/17/2002, 11:22 am

English Lessons

Post by happening fish »

*How to speak English Properly*

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And the last one...

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


.... :lol:
awkward is the new cool
[url]gutterhome.blogspot.com[/url]
Axtech
Posts: 19796
Joined: 3/17/2002, 5:36 pm
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
Contact:

Post by Axtech »

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Nice. I should print that off and bring it to the english department at school...
- -
Image
Every now and then I fall out into open air just to feel the wind, rain and everything.
And though the hum and sway gets me down
, I'll find the way to peace and openness.

Image
"Robbo" - © Alex (happeningfish)...^5 ^5 v v
User avatar
happening fish
Posts: 17934
Joined: 3/17/2002, 11:22 am

Post by happening fish »

Bet you thought this thread was me going off on another rant, didn't you? :lol:
awkward is the new cool
[url]gutterhome.blogspot.com[/url]
Axtech
Posts: 19796
Joined: 3/17/2002, 5:36 pm
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
Contact:

Post by Axtech »

Actually, yes. :lol:
- -
Image
Every now and then I fall out into open air just to feel the wind, rain and everything.
And though the hum and sway gets me down
, I'll find the way to peace and openness.

Image
"Robbo" - © Alex (happeningfish)...^5 ^5 v v
User avatar
Neil
Posts: 8405
Joined: 9/27/2002, 8:26 am
Location: Minnesota

Post by Neil »

My Lit teacher would probably have a stroke reading this.....
Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. - Niccoló Machiavelli
Henrietta

Post by Henrietta »

LMAO, I actually did think that. :lol:

But it was lovely anyhow.
User avatar
buzhwa
Posts: 853
Joined: 2/4/2003, 12:30 am
Location: A², MI
Contact:

Post by buzhwa »

happeningfish wrote:Bet you thought this thread was me going off on another rant, didn't you? :lol:


Yeah. :lol: But I would have helped. (oops, conjunction!) :P
<font color="#9879c7">~Sarah</font>
User avatar
happening fish
Posts: 17934
Joined: 3/17/2002, 11:22 am

Post by happening fish »

See, Alex has a sense of humour about herself :nod:
awkward is the new cool
[url]gutterhome.blogspot.com[/url]
Johnny
Posts: 31096
Joined: 8/21/2002, 5:35 pm
Location: Edmonton

Post by Johnny »

i don't understand :think:
Professional Canadian.
User avatar
happening fish
Posts: 17934
Joined: 3/17/2002, 11:22 am

Post by happening fish »

It's ok Johnny :)
awkward is the new cool
[url]gutterhome.blogspot.com[/url]
Johnny
Posts: 31096
Joined: 8/21/2002, 5:35 pm
Location: Edmonton

Post by Johnny »

:crying:
Professional Canadian.
User avatar
Odio La Cabra
Posts: 728
Joined: 6/6/2003, 9:27 pm
Location: next to the dust bunnies under the couch
Contact:

Post by Odio La Cabra »

damn i hate english...
"there is nothing because there are no words with wich to think any other way than regurgitating slogans and propaganda that has been served to you by the government. people become human soundtracks. it prevents self expression and without words to express individual thoughts what becomes of a person? they are nothing but an extention of human power"-Yvette S.

One day we went to kindergarten and they never let us out...

cant sleep the clowns will eat me

We all miss the big daddy quick....

*Liz...R*
User avatar
starseed_10
Posts: 10473
Joined: 8/21/2002, 8:31 am
Location: 123 fake street
Contact:

Post by starseed_10 »

as much as the goat?
blah
Solidarity 9-6347
Posts: 1960
Joined: 3/13/2002, 6:14 pm
Location: Ann Barbor, MI
Contact:

Post by Solidarity 9-6347 »

about halfway through, i was about to scratch my eyes out, and then i reminded myself that it was supposed to be funny
<3 Mademoiselle Pamplemousse

~The world would be a better place if only more things were made out of statue~
User avatar
thirdhour
Posts: 7420
Joined: 1/19/2003, 10:23 pm
Location: montreal

Post by thirdhour »

My friend has this on her fridge. I thought it was quite amusing :lol:
Image
User avatar
Bandalero
Posts: 6219
Joined: 5/23/2002, 11:25 pm
Location: South Texas
Contact:

Post by Bandalero »

starseed_10 wrote:as much as the goat?


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Whenever death may surprise us,
let it be welcome
if our battle cry has reached even one receptive ear
and another hand reaches out to take up our arms.


Nobody's gonna miss me, no tears will fall, no ones gonna weap, when i hit that road.
my boots are broken my brain is sore, fer keepin' up with thier little world, i got a heavy load.
gonna leave 'em all just like before, i'm big city bound, your always 17 in your hometown
User avatar
Odio La Cabra
Posts: 728
Joined: 6/6/2003, 9:27 pm
Location: next to the dust bunnies under the couch
Contact:

Post by Odio La Cabra »

starseed_10 wrote:as much as the goat?


:lol:

even MORE than the goat

damn adjectives.....*shakes fist*
"there is nothing because there are no words with wich to think any other way than regurgitating slogans and propaganda that has been served to you by the government. people become human soundtracks. it prevents self expression and without words to express individual thoughts what becomes of a person? they are nothing but an extention of human power"-Yvette S.

One day we went to kindergarten and they never let us out...

cant sleep the clowns will eat me

We all miss the big daddy quick....

*Liz...R*
User avatar
thirdhour
Posts: 7420
Joined: 1/19/2003, 10:23 pm
Location: montreal

Post by thirdhour »

i have a question for Alex/Sarah.

When is it 'its' and when is it 'it's'? In my 11 years of schooling, I somehow managed to never be tought this...
Image
User avatar
happening fish
Posts: 17934
Joined: 3/17/2002, 11:22 am

Post by happening fish »

Ok, you add an S to the end of something if it is

plural: "The girl bought shoes"

or possessive: "The plant shed its leaves."


"It's" is reserved exclusively as a contraction of "it is", ie It's cold today."


Clear?
awkward is the new cool
[url]gutterhome.blogspot.com[/url]
User avatar
thirdhour
Posts: 7420
Joined: 1/19/2003, 10:23 pm
Location: montreal

Post by thirdhour »

So 'its' is the only possesive that doesnt have an aprostraphe? That's what always screwed me up :(
Image
Post Reply