Attempted songs by Alan

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 7/30/2002, 4:27 pm

I have been having serious problems with writer's block over the past three months, and last night I forced myself to finish a song, and I wrote another one while waiting for OLP on TV. Here they are:

"Left to Bleed"
I should have learned my lesson the first time, for what I'd have in store
You left me a broken man, and you left me crying on the floor
You led me to believe that; you were truly in love with me
You left me there, a wounded soul, you left me there to bleed
-CHORUS-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does it make you feel better that you tore me apart?
Do you realize that you're messing with an empty heart?
I can't feel anything anymore, because of you
It's not the first time, probably not the last time too
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You pulled me back in again, saying that this time your love is true
I'm dumb, you're cruel, you beat me, and my contempt for you madly grew
But I'm not a bitter man, and soon enough you were my friend
But I'm not the smartest man, and I thought the cycle would end
-- CHORUS --
You tell me you two are through, that you refuse to speak anymore
But you chose another man, and you were used, and you were shown the door
How does it feel to be hurt? To know you're not good enough?
I won't brace myself again, I'm not yours, there's no more handcuffs

"Tying the Noose"
Tell all my friends good bye for me, I think I am dying tonight
I’ve tried so hard to fight it back, but it appears I’ve lost my will
I have the rope, I wrote the note, there’s no turning back from the light
Looking for a reason to stop, waiting, I’ve got time to kill
When did all of the pain begin?
Why did the depression set in?
Tying the noose is nothing new, many have given up like me
Try to forget the way I was, I did nothing special these years
If my short life really mattered, some one would have stepped up, you see?
Please don’t come to my funeral, no one wants to see the forced tears
Don’t act like I used to be loved
Don’t praise me by releasing doves
Don’t treat me like I was a saint, because I was never perfect
Fallen tears will not bring me back, so please forget that I was born
If I were all so important, I wouldn’t have suffered neglect
Remember my words in this note, this letter is meant to be torn
So forget that I did exist
So these memories won’t be missed

I want like serious feedback on these songs. I would like to get better with my words and what not, so telling me it's great to make me feel good is wrong and I will hate you forever if you do so. Thanx to all who help.

Solidarity 9-6347 · Post by **Solidarity 9-6347** » 7/30/2002, 4:46 pm

i'll say it again, they sound very genuine straight from the heart. i dont know what im talking about though when it comes to structure and things like that so i won't comment on that cuz i'd be talking out of my ass :lol:

btw, anyone who's reading these...the first one is NOT about me :lol:

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 7/30/2002, 4:48 pm

Can some one with actual feedback respond to my songs?

I really wanna know what I am doing wrong here....

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 7/30/2002, 8:28 pm

I really like those .. I wrote a poem similiar to your last song actually.

Hmm feedback: Well I give you credit because those songs were written from the heart and that comes out in your wording. I don't let people read anything I write but I love reading other peoples work. Oh right, back to you .. umm, like I was saying .. I like your style, it's simple but you get your message across very easily .. the songs flowed smoothly and you weren't left wondering :wtf:

was this person trying to say. Genuine emotion is evident in these songs and that's always a good thing. You want the person reading your work to WANT to keep reading and you did that .. I didn't lose interest halfway through .. I don't have anything negative to say. I like.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 7/30/2002, 9:09 pm

Alright, anyone have anything negative to say so I can write something to prove you wrong?

Ignignokt · Post by **Ignignokt** » 7/30/2002, 9:18 pm

not that it is a requirement....... but songs usually have a structure similar to this...... intro/chorus/middle/chorus/bridge/chorus/outro

just a little help for ya there..... if u throw in a catching bridge and chorus you'd be set, but you dont always have to follow that formula.

christa lynn · Post by **christa lynn** » 7/30/2002, 9:54 pm

Very nice! I especially liked "Tying the Noose", it makes its point really well, very powerful.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 7/30/2002, 10:48 pm

Stop it guys, you're encouraging me

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 7/30/2002, 11:02 pm

A little encouragement never hurt anyone

ClumsyMonkey.net

ClumsyMonkey.net

Attempted songs by Alan

Attempted songs by Alan