Maturity is different among person to person. Everybody matures; but some don't mature enough, either at certain times or at all, to provide themselves with a sense of self-responsibility, or even a good sense of reality, that only a person can change oneself and not others. Thus why women allow themselves into abusive relationships in which they do not leave. Thus why some women cheat, themselves. It all boils down to how much they've matured and what they consider right and wrong, and how important that knowledge is to them at a given moment.
For example: I have a friend. She dated the most wanted senior guy during our junior year, and was with him until about three-fourths of the way through our senior year. For the first six months, which was through the summer before senior year, the relationship was apparently great -- she, although, is slightly obsessive over guys at occassional points.
As soon as he went to college, however -- when he no longer could have her in close proximity, that is -- he got very controlling and restrictive. Didn't like her talking to her guy friends, didn't like not knowing what was going on.
She let this go on for about nine, ten months, and then she cheated on him with one of her friends. He got pissed (duh), broke it off with her.
She assumed that he'd take her back. I would ask why she would stay with someone who seemed certifiably an insecure wacko, and she never, EVER answered. She stuck herself in this relationship that was technically abusive (wanting control over aspects of a person's life, mostly their social ones, is abusing a relationship), and then responded with abusing the relationship herself.
All of this seems extremely pointless and unjustifiable. She probably expected, like most women do, that this would occur:
Bad Boy + Her = Changed Man.
She probably thought that all she would have to do is see him (and she drove down to his dorm in New York -- and I'm in Maine, folks, so think about the drive back and forth), and he'd calm down. But whenever she left and came back here, he seemed to try to tighten his grip around her life. Once she came to this realization, she went and tried to find pleasure in someone else. However, even after finding this pleasure, and him discovering that she had cheated on him, she still expected he would take her back and perhaps change.
Of course, he didn't take her back, and then ended up dating a guy a year younger than her whose last girlfriend was guilted into sex by him, and pretty much got extremely jealous and fussy when talk about other guys came up. In other words, a mirror image in relationship personality of the first guy. I'm actually pretty sure her younger sister liked him, too, as well as his mysoginist, racial-humor loving best friend.
Choosing a guy whom a girl would not want to change in these instances tends to prove why girls will say "you're so sweet" and "you're so cute", and then not actually want to date this person. Where's the progression of the relationship? Where's something she can talk about with her girlfriends over lunch? It's not there, because you're already a person who doesn't need her to try and mold you.
Victor Mancini, the main character in Chuck Palahnuik's book Choke, notes that men are just here for women to use for their own purposes. It seems by the above observation that it might be true. If you're not something a girl wants to change, then she doesn't want to date you. Your friendship is sufficent to her.
What I'm saying, basically, is this: one form of desire is brought on by the image that a girl believes she can change, which is generally the bad boy. It's all a part of maternal instinct (raising a boy into a man, guiding him in the correct direction). Women are playing demi-God, ruling over the fate of a man.
This is at a certain stage of maturity -- which seemed to last through my school years from grade 6 through grade 12. A certain few girls had matured beyond this stage, though, and looked for people they didn't want to change, but rather, those that were optimal for holding a longer, more shared, less control-heavy relationship.
Let me say that this is only one theory, though. The second guy this girl dated, his previous girlfriend seemed to have chosen to be with him through part pity and part desire.
Anyone else have theories on this phenomenon? *pretends to look interested =
*
I realize that, but it just sounded like you did.
