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happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 4/6/2003, 4:35 pm

what do you do when you realize that you will never be good enough for them...?

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 4/6/2003, 4:40 pm

Try to make myself good enough. Though then I run the risk of compromising myself, and try to detach myself from such feelings and I try to improve upon myself for my own sake. But that's just me.

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 4/6/2003, 4:52 pm

Good Enough for who?

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 4/6/2003, 4:57 pm

Well, I suppose you can form an unfounded sense of hatred to the person to make yourself feel better. Keep telling yourself that the other person is a piece of shit, and after a while, you'll believe it and be over the person. I do it all the time, and it works...unless I decide to reflect on the person, then the process starts all over again.

lora · Post by **lora** » 4/6/2003, 5:02 pm

i go through those phases sometimes. right now, it's been most prevalent. i've come to the realization that inadequacy is the most terrible of realizations because you're all you've got and if you don't like that, well, you don't have far to go. either live up to standard or fall. i guess you just need to accept yourself (as refried as that sounds) and look for ways to make yourself better. to make yourself inspire.

sorry, i'm in a weird mood.

</rant>

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 4/6/2003, 5:08 pm

Stop trying to make other people happy and work on being happy with yourself .. as long as you're happy with yourself, nobody else's opinion should matter.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 4/6/2003, 5:11 pm

I'm sorry, but it's impossible to live for only yourself. When you're a child, you always have the pressure of your fucking parents breathing down your neck to be a good student. When you hit the teenage years, you have the parents, helping friends out with their problems, and stupid relationships. If you don't make your family happy, they'll be even larger assholes and try to kick you out of the house (I know about this one.) If you don't please your friends, then they won't want to be your friends. If you don't keep your significant other happy they'll either try to kill themselves, cheat on you, or just leave you.

You have to try to please others to an extent, just don't base your life on it. Keep yourself happy, and then try to keep others happy.

Odin · Post by **Odin** » 4/6/2003, 5:16 pm

happeninfish wrote:what do you do when you realize that you will never be good enough for them...?

Option 1: Come to the CM more often, you know you're good enough for us. (that's what I do now, I hate IRL, IRL sucks)

Option 2: Leave this group of friends. If you force yourself to be in their standards (the standard you made up yourself) then eventually you'll suffer an identity crisis, you will question whether this is still yourself any longer. (what happened to me in the past couple months, now I'll be living by myself next year so I don't have to deal with them)

The problem is Bethany, we can't help you, and the sad part is you know we can't help you. You know that the problem and solution resides within yourself and you must cope with you. Afterall you know what suggestions we're gonna give you before you posted this thread, right?

areusad831 · Post by **areusad831** » 4/6/2003, 5:17 pm

that is alex :nod:

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 4/6/2003, 5:18 pm

If you're not happy with yourself .. I don't think you can really succeed with making others happy. When people focus too much on making others happy, they start losing themselves and become to dependant on others. I've seen it happen. If you fail at making someone happy, then you're just gonna feel like a failure all the time. Just realize you can't please everyone. If that means you're gonna be kicked out of the house .. it's probably better to leave the house then cuz that's not a very healthy environment to live in. I know that first hand as well ..

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 4/6/2003, 5:26 pm

1. i am alex

2. i'm quite happy with myself

3. alan is square on, as usual, about this being parent-related

Odin · Post by **Odin** » 4/6/2003, 5:28 pm

Joey said it, except when we're talking about happiness for ourselves and self-interest, we're not saying make yourself happy at the expense of others. You should be capable of your own happiness without the aid of others whatsoever. I think it's really difficult, and I'll admit I can't do it yet myself. If you lock me in a room with only pen and paper to indulge myself, I'd seriously go crazy.

Personally, I think we're not self-dependent, we have a need of others for whatever reason.

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 4/6/2003, 5:30 pm

I'd be happy in a room with nothing but pen and paper

In fact .. I am usually in my room with a pen and paper to amuse myself ..

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 4/6/2003, 5:31 pm

yes, especially if those others are parents, and those parents have decided that you will never ever live up to their expectations and they resent you for it.

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 4/6/2003, 5:34 pm

I learned along time ago I'm never going to live up to my mom's expectations .. she's still proud of me and still loves me even though she doesn't agree with the things I do. Parents just want you to do better than they did .. they messed up their childhood or education and so they want their kids to do better and be better than they could.

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 4/6/2003, 5:34 pm

the problem here being that they are not proud of me and never will be

Odin · Post by **Odin** » 4/6/2003, 5:38 pm

happeninfish wrote:parent-related

Sorry Alex, you're not Bethany...

So...what's Bethany's nick name again?

Anyway, this is not related to the thread, but I have to need to rant this:

[rant]
So I got an email from my family. I didn't pay my phone bill for 4 months so the phone company disconnected my cell phone. Which means my family had no way to contact me. I live alone in residence and my family is far far away. Now I not that I don't understand why my mom would worry so much, but frankly I can't say I completely understand where she's coming from. I mean, I've been with myself for like 3 years now and she should be accustomed to not being able to contact me for 3 weeks, not that she doesn't know how I am. My sister told me in her email that she couldn't sleep last night because of me. WTF! She could have sent me an email and I would reply asap but why does it have to be on the phone? Seriously, of course I can't relate to how it's like to be a parent but I don't think I would lose any sleep for not being able to contact my close ones.

Also, whenever my mom calls me we have absolutely nothing to say to each other, I don't even see the point of her calling me now. To check that if I'm alive?
[/rant]

Now I sound like a jackass to my mom. Whatever, I stand by everything I said.

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 4/6/2003, 5:43 pm

My mom was the same way .. my phone was disconnected cuz I owed them $300 and I borrowed the money from my boyfriend at the time to get my phone turned back on cuz I knew my mom would worry if she didn't hear from me for a few days. Or if she called and I let the answering machine pick up, she'd worry about where I was or what I was doing. She called me during storms too to check on me. heh. I didn't mind .. I'll probably be the same way when I have kids. I called my mom nearly everyday .. come to think of it .. I think I called my mom more than she called me!

:lol:

Odin · Post by **Odin** » 4/6/2003, 5:44 pm

happeninfish wrote:the problem here being that they are not proud of me and never will be

So my ranting continues...

My parents no longer expect anything from me. I think they should already know that they can't measure me by their standards of success. Both my parents are practical businessman and they understand that I'm not interested in money. Their judgement no longer concerns me and I'm in university for the pursuit for knowledge per se. Even if I drop out now and work in some fast food chain what they think will still not concern me since I already have the mentality that they do no understand. Not that I don't love my parents, I still do, but I don't consider their opinions relevant.

Alex, is this what you're trying to get to? Entirely neglecting your parent's views? Sometimes I don't even think I'm right though.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 4/6/2003, 5:45 pm

My mom doesn't know how old I am. Neither does my dad. I could leave the house right now with all my belongings and live in the ghetto of Detroit as a vagrant and my parents wouldn't care less. In fact, within a week they'd have already replaced the shit in my room. Be thankful that your parents at least have standards for you Alex. They could be worse.

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