umm. i don't know. i just thought that there are smart kids here who might proof read my first english paper of my college career. any corrections or suggestions are welcome.
here's the assignment:
in a 1000-1200 word narrative essay, write about how quality has entered your life and the effect that this has had on you. you may choose one long narrative example or a series of shorter ones. since the notion of quality is often subjective or relative, it would perhaps be useful to frame your narratives by opening and closing sections where your philosophical views, definitions, attitudes can be presented and recapitulated, with the story/ies then serving to illustrate your position/insight/thesis.
thanks.
oh. i'm a couple hundred words shy so this will get longer.
my english paper
my english paper
we are the brand new beatniks. we are the down and outers.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
About eight and a half months ago, quality entered my life. That was the day I found out that my girlfriend, at the time, was cheating on me with my best friend. A couple hours after being told this by two of my other friends, it came time to make a decision. Was I going to continue laying on the couch feeling sorry for myself or was I going to move on and forget about two immature people who didn't yet comprehend that their actions can affect others? I chose the latter. That same night, at about 2 in the morning, I gathered up her belongings and anything that reminded me of her, put them in a Taco Bell bag, and threw all of it on her doorstep. I woke up smiling the next morning, truly happy for the first time in years, maybe ever.
Since that day, I have enjoyed the little things in life. Quality comes to me in the form of living and breathing. Family and friends. Music and girls. Root beer and cereal. Mike and Ike. No longer do I waste my time waiting for a girl to make me happy. Ironically, as soon as I adopted that ideal, I met and soon fell in love with a girl I would spend nearly half a year with. Unfortunately, she was also one of those people who doesn't consider others' feelings when making decisions and she not only broke up with me, but also ignored me for a month and a half afterward. When she finally decided I was worth her time, all that was waiting for her was a cold shoulder. I don't feel remorse for selfish people that lie and try to compromise my happiness. Assholes are their own reward.
I, on the other hand, am not an asshole and I've been rewarded. My best friend, Aaron, is the coolest person ever. I just joined my first band a couple weeks ago. Two liter bottles of root beer only cost fifty cents at Wal-Mart. Honestly, how could I not be happy? I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that there is a substantial amount of quality, at least from my perspective of what quality is, in most everyone's life. It is up to us as individuals to recognize and appreciate it. And a lot of people do recognize it and appreciate it or, at the very least, say, “things could be worse.” Personally, I tell myself that it can't get much better.
The quality in my life has caused me to question a lot of things. The main one actually being college. I started the year as an engineering major. I had big plans for a double major and a $55,000 a year starting salary upon graduation. I was even going to have a $15 an hour internship this summer. Then the first week of classes came and after two days of computer programming, I knew I wasn't going to torture myself for four years in school and another forty years working for the man. I didn't care how much he would pay me, I would hate it. It began sinking in that I didn't need money to be happy. At the time, I was in love and that was more than enough. I talked it over with my girlfriend and she was behind me all the way. I dropped my engineering class, enrolled in a poetry class, and decided I would be changing my major to English, because I love to write and it was the only thing I would actually be able to tolerate studying.
There was also the overwhelming dream of being a rock star. As the semester went on and continuing into this semester, it became more and more clear that that is what I wanted more than anything. Music is a large fraction of the quality in my life and I want to create that quality for others. Music, playing it and writing it, and writing that's not related to music make me happy. Last week, I began to run out of time for those things and it upset me. Whenever I wanted to write or play my guitar, I felt guilty and worried I wouldn't have time to do my homework so I stopped writing and playing my guitar. This came to a head when I sent my mom several emails about dropping out. I mentioned before that I won't tolerate anything that compromises my happiness and school was starting to come between me and the things that made me happy.
As it stands right now, I may not be back at the university next fall or any university for that matter. I haven't decided for sure, but it's a possibility. Simply because I don't see college bringing anymore quality into my life. I don't need society's finest “quality” in the form of money and prestige. All I need is a guitar, a few friends, a 12-pack of root beer, and maybe someone to call my own and I will live happily ever after. Life is what you make of it and I've made mine a children's book. I can't imagine there being someone who is having more fun than I am.
Since that day, I have enjoyed the little things in life. Quality comes to me in the form of living and breathing. Family and friends. Music and girls. Root beer and cereal. Mike and Ike. No longer do I waste my time waiting for a girl to make me happy. Ironically, as soon as I adopted that ideal, I met and soon fell in love with a girl I would spend nearly half a year with. Unfortunately, she was also one of those people who doesn't consider others' feelings when making decisions and she not only broke up with me, but also ignored me for a month and a half afterward. When she finally decided I was worth her time, all that was waiting for her was a cold shoulder. I don't feel remorse for selfish people that lie and try to compromise my happiness. Assholes are their own reward.
I, on the other hand, am not an asshole and I've been rewarded. My best friend, Aaron, is the coolest person ever. I just joined my first band a couple weeks ago. Two liter bottles of root beer only cost fifty cents at Wal-Mart. Honestly, how could I not be happy? I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that there is a substantial amount of quality, at least from my perspective of what quality is, in most everyone's life. It is up to us as individuals to recognize and appreciate it. And a lot of people do recognize it and appreciate it or, at the very least, say, “things could be worse.” Personally, I tell myself that it can't get much better.
The quality in my life has caused me to question a lot of things. The main one actually being college. I started the year as an engineering major. I had big plans for a double major and a $55,000 a year starting salary upon graduation. I was even going to have a $15 an hour internship this summer. Then the first week of classes came and after two days of computer programming, I knew I wasn't going to torture myself for four years in school and another forty years working for the man. I didn't care how much he would pay me, I would hate it. It began sinking in that I didn't need money to be happy. At the time, I was in love and that was more than enough. I talked it over with my girlfriend and she was behind me all the way. I dropped my engineering class, enrolled in a poetry class, and decided I would be changing my major to English, because I love to write and it was the only thing I would actually be able to tolerate studying.
There was also the overwhelming dream of being a rock star. As the semester went on and continuing into this semester, it became more and more clear that that is what I wanted more than anything. Music is a large fraction of the quality in my life and I want to create that quality for others. Music, playing it and writing it, and writing that's not related to music make me happy. Last week, I began to run out of time for those things and it upset me. Whenever I wanted to write or play my guitar, I felt guilty and worried I wouldn't have time to do my homework so I stopped writing and playing my guitar. This came to a head when I sent my mom several emails about dropping out. I mentioned before that I won't tolerate anything that compromises my happiness and school was starting to come between me and the things that made me happy.
As it stands right now, I may not be back at the university next fall or any university for that matter. I haven't decided for sure, but it's a possibility. Simply because I don't see college bringing anymore quality into my life. I don't need society's finest “quality” in the form of money and prestige. All I need is a guitar, a few friends, a 12-pack of root beer, and maybe someone to call my own and I will live happily ever after. Life is what you make of it and I've made mine a children's book. I can't imagine there being someone who is having more fun than I am.
we are the brand new beatniks. we are the down and outers.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
oh yeah.
one of my main concerns is verb tense. like if you notice me switching between past and present tense, point that out please.
one of my main concerns is verb tense. like if you notice me switching between past and present tense, point that out please.
we are the brand new beatniks. we are the down and outers.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
Sorry, but just thought I would comment on it. Please pardon me being harsh, well, everyone should know me how I've been acting recently.
I'm not good in the verb tense and grammar, in fact I'm terrible in it, so I'll leave others to comment.
But it seems to me that the term "quality" is popping out in places that doesn't seem appropriate, for instance "Quality comes to me in the form of living and breathing". Maybe you shouldn't be using "comes to me". Maybe: "Quality is exemplified in the form of living and breathing ", or "Living and breathing is essentially where I exhibit the quality of 'insert something here'". Just seems to me that "quality" is such an abstract term, you need to say "quality of what". It's great for an essay to be personal, but it's too personal. This seems to be more like a dairy of Jeff as oppose to a literary essay. I understand that it's suppose to be narrative, but this is an essay nonetheless and I don't think this is creative writing class, is it?
The transition of the first two paragraphs should be more elaborated, you just went straight from what this girl did to you to what your reaction is. From being heartbroken by this incident, to your determination of forgetting her to your maturation of discovering pleasure every minute moments in life can be a lot longer, and it would really help the development of your character.
This quote is important, it basically gave your definition of happiness and your ideal quality life, which is drinking rootbeer, having friends to be around and playing guitar. Starting form 3rd paragraph the essay starts getting interesting, since it start revealing your views on life. Now no more literary criticism, this following is my and only my personal subjective views. I think all of us can agree that money and power doesn't equate happiness, happiness is not a fish that you can catch that's what OLP would say. But happiness, to me, is not a metaphysical abstraction which is unattainable. All emotions are actually seeded inside us waiting to be evoked. I can't give a definition of what happiness is, I can just say that instantaneous pleasure such as food, drugs, sensational pleasure isn't the happiness which we human are trying to attain. Art, spirituality, knowledge can give us a slower, more subtle happiness that last longer, however they don't give the emmensing amount of pleasure. Finally, I don't believe in such thing as eternal happiness, since happiness and unhappiness must co-exist, they are essentially relative.
I'll leave for now, enough of me, really.
I'm not good in the verb tense and grammar, in fact I'm terrible in it, so I'll leave others to comment.
But it seems to me that the term "quality" is popping out in places that doesn't seem appropriate, for instance "Quality comes to me in the form of living and breathing". Maybe you shouldn't be using "comes to me". Maybe: "Quality is exemplified in the form of living and breathing ", or "Living and breathing is essentially where I exhibit the quality of 'insert something here'". Just seems to me that "quality" is such an abstract term, you need to say "quality of what". It's great for an essay to be personal, but it's too personal. This seems to be more like a dairy of Jeff as oppose to a literary essay. I understand that it's suppose to be narrative, but this is an essay nonetheless and I don't think this is creative writing class, is it?
The transition of the first two paragraphs should be more elaborated, you just went straight from what this girl did to you to what your reaction is. From being heartbroken by this incident, to your determination of forgetting her to your maturation of discovering pleasure every minute moments in life can be a lot longer, and it would really help the development of your character.
Honestly, how could I not be happy?
This quote is important, it basically gave your definition of happiness and your ideal quality life, which is drinking rootbeer, having friends to be around and playing guitar. Starting form 3rd paragraph the essay starts getting interesting, since it start revealing your views on life. Now no more literary criticism, this following is my and only my personal subjective views. I think all of us can agree that money and power doesn't equate happiness, happiness is not a fish that you can catch that's what OLP would say. But happiness, to me, is not a metaphysical abstraction which is unattainable. All emotions are actually seeded inside us waiting to be evoked. I can't give a definition of what happiness is, I can just say that instantaneous pleasure such as food, drugs, sensational pleasure isn't the happiness which we human are trying to attain. Art, spirituality, knowledge can give us a slower, more subtle happiness that last longer, however they don't give the emmensing amount of pleasure. Finally, I don't believe in such thing as eternal happiness, since happiness and unhappiness must co-exist, they are essentially relative.
I'll leave for now, enough of me, really.
Al's emails put a smile on my face, even though all they say is "You've got a private message!"
i appreciate the comments.
when i'm coherent, i will take them into consideration.
when i'm coherent, i will take them into consideration.
we are the brand new beatniks. we are the down and outers.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
we are the bleeding hearts, beating syncopated, broken rhythm.
our speed is often break neck. we need to slow it down.
tired of being sleepless. tired of being broken.
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superrgirll
- Posts: 11216
- Joined: 3/13/2002, 10:59 pm
- Location: toronto
- Contact:
i have an english essay due in 25 minutes. i haven't even started yet. 
-lori
she's a fool for the last living rock king
http://www.livejournal.com/~got_to_get_away/
HARDCORE!
she's a fool for the last living rock king
http://www.livejournal.com/~got_to_get_away/
HARDCORE!
-
superrgirll
- Posts: 11216
- Joined: 3/13/2002, 10:59 pm
- Location: toronto
- Contact:
yay, english was cancelled today so now my essay is due on monday.
-lori
she's a fool for the last living rock king
http://www.livejournal.com/~got_to_get_away/
HARDCORE!
she's a fool for the last living rock king
http://www.livejournal.com/~got_to_get_away/
HARDCORE!