tee hee
Posted: 12/11/2003, 6:05 pm
SNOW-MOBILIZE THE MILITIAS!
They're soft on drugs, they let gay people get married, and unlike the Brits and the Spaniards, they didn't immediately fall in line to invade Iraq at the sound of Dubya's Fonzie snap. Can there be any doubt that Canada is on the long list of countries the neoconservative establishment plans on taking over in the near future?
Obviously, no.
Make no mistake… the Canadians know something's up. Like a herd of gently grazing gnus caught in the dizzying cloud of pheromones shed by a nearby rogue elephant in musth, they can taste it on the air. That's probably why they sent a team of diplomats to Raleigh, Denver and Houston two months ago, to check us out.
What they discovered was hilarious.
According to their report: "Some participants expressed a certain amount of annoyance at what is perceived as a systematic attempt by Canadians to make the statement that they are not Americans by sporting the maple leaf. This underscores the American sensitivity at feeling rejected by the rest of the world."
Turns out Americans don't really care all that much for patriotism, after all.
Evidence of growing tension can also be found in the business arena. In California, Gropen-fuhrer Shwarzenkennedy is preparing to tackle "runaway productions," TV shows and movies shot in Canada to take advantage of the weaker dollar. At the federal level, the FDA aims to prevent state and local governments from buying drugs in bulk from north of the border, where regulations keep prescription much lower than here. Nice to see the USG doing everything in its power to make sure everybody in the USA pays absolute top-fucking-dollar for their medicine. Gotta love that "free market" magic! When you "laissez faire," everything always works out in the end. Especially for big Republican donors.
So let's see… we've got conflict at the local, national, social and economic levels. What about the international scene? Turns out there's plenty of turbulence there, too, over Iraq, mostly. There were angry reactions yesterday when Pentagon gargoyle Paul Wolfowitz decided to block Canadian companies from bidding on reconstruction contracts in Iraq, to punish them for not joining the so-called Coalition of the (can't rape the) Willing. This possibly illegal move caused Canadian PM-in-waiting Paul Martin to lash out angrily:
"What is most important is, in fact, the reconstruction of Iraq. There's a huge amount of suffering there, and I think it is the responsibility of every country to participate in developing it. I understand the importance of these kinds of contracts, but this shouldn't just be about who gets contracts, who gets business, it ought to be, what is the best thing for the people of Iraq."
Typical of a Canadian politician to lose control and vent his seething fury in a white hot blast of concentrated rage like that.
So anyway. War is coming. Remember the Maine. Blah blah blah. Enjoy the list.
TOP THIRTEEN NAMES FOR OUR COMING WAR WITH CANADA!
13. Operation Tundra Blizzard
12. The Soon to be Forgotten War
11. Operation Icy Frigid Wasteland
10. Operation Maple Tap
9. Hosergeddon
8. War of 1812, the Re-Match!
7. Operation Igloo Frostbite
6. Operation Puck Drop
5. The Great White War
4. Operation Aurora Bora-Whoop-Ass
3. Operation Freezing Ice-Cold Arctic Glacier
2. The Canuckalypse
1. Boxing Day
They're soft on drugs, they let gay people get married, and unlike the Brits and the Spaniards, they didn't immediately fall in line to invade Iraq at the sound of Dubya's Fonzie snap. Can there be any doubt that Canada is on the long list of countries the neoconservative establishment plans on taking over in the near future?
Obviously, no.
Make no mistake… the Canadians know something's up. Like a herd of gently grazing gnus caught in the dizzying cloud of pheromones shed by a nearby rogue elephant in musth, they can taste it on the air. That's probably why they sent a team of diplomats to Raleigh, Denver and Houston two months ago, to check us out.
What they discovered was hilarious.
According to their report: "Some participants expressed a certain amount of annoyance at what is perceived as a systematic attempt by Canadians to make the statement that they are not Americans by sporting the maple leaf. This underscores the American sensitivity at feeling rejected by the rest of the world."
Turns out Americans don't really care all that much for patriotism, after all.
Evidence of growing tension can also be found in the business arena. In California, Gropen-fuhrer Shwarzenkennedy is preparing to tackle "runaway productions," TV shows and movies shot in Canada to take advantage of the weaker dollar. At the federal level, the FDA aims to prevent state and local governments from buying drugs in bulk from north of the border, where regulations keep prescription much lower than here. Nice to see the USG doing everything in its power to make sure everybody in the USA pays absolute top-fucking-dollar for their medicine. Gotta love that "free market" magic! When you "laissez faire," everything always works out in the end. Especially for big Republican donors.
So let's see… we've got conflict at the local, national, social and economic levels. What about the international scene? Turns out there's plenty of turbulence there, too, over Iraq, mostly. There were angry reactions yesterday when Pentagon gargoyle Paul Wolfowitz decided to block Canadian companies from bidding on reconstruction contracts in Iraq, to punish them for not joining the so-called Coalition of the (can't rape the) Willing. This possibly illegal move caused Canadian PM-in-waiting Paul Martin to lash out angrily:
"What is most important is, in fact, the reconstruction of Iraq. There's a huge amount of suffering there, and I think it is the responsibility of every country to participate in developing it. I understand the importance of these kinds of contracts, but this shouldn't just be about who gets contracts, who gets business, it ought to be, what is the best thing for the people of Iraq."
Typical of a Canadian politician to lose control and vent his seething fury in a white hot blast of concentrated rage like that.
So anyway. War is coming. Remember the Maine. Blah blah blah. Enjoy the list.
TOP THIRTEEN NAMES FOR OUR COMING WAR WITH CANADA!
13. Operation Tundra Blizzard
12. The Soon to be Forgotten War
11. Operation Icy Frigid Wasteland
10. Operation Maple Tap
9. Hosergeddon
8. War of 1812, the Re-Match!
7. Operation Igloo Frostbite
6. Operation Puck Drop
5. The Great White War
4. Operation Aurora Bora-Whoop-Ass
3. Operation Freezing Ice-Cold Arctic Glacier
2. The Canuckalypse
1. Boxing Day
