ClumsyMonkey.net

I didn't know exactly how/where to post this, but I figured some of you would want to know.

My dad died 2 days ago (June 20, 2003) in the hospital.

For those of you who don't know, he had cancer, and was diagnosed with it in January of 2002. He was doing extremely well (health-wise, not so much cancer-free wise... but they were working on that), and we thought he'd be coming home from the hospital tomorrow. Me and my mom left him in his hospital room (he had gone in for some problems that didn't seem all that life-threatening) Friday, and when we got home, there was a message on the machine telling us to come back because it was urgent. We drove the half hour back to the hospital in the rain, got there and saw a security guard and a bunch of nurses and doctors outside of his room, with the door closed. We knew he was gone (though, my mom pretty much knew as soon as she got the message on the machine... I was scared it was true, but wasn't going to accept it until it was official). A major artery had broken somewhere, and he bled out. Luckily, it was quick, and supposedly painless. They told us he had died about 10 minutes after we had left him. I just wish I had hugged and kissed him goodbye like I normally would have, but he was eating his dinner, and we all thought he'd be fine and be home soon and there was nothing to worry about. We sat in his room with his body for a few hours, which was nice, though. But, it just felt like any second, he'd sit up and start talking to us. It still just feels like he should be walking through the door any minute, or lying on the couch watching tv with us. It's so hard to accept that it's just me and my mom now.

I want my daddy.

hugs xo

im so sorry nikki
*hugs a million times* im here for u tho!!

I'm not very good at sentiment, but it must have been his time to go.

I'm thinkin about ya chica, and hope you're ok.....ya ever need somebody to just talk to 'ur whatever, I'm not completely difficult to track down.

*hugs*

A poem for Ms. Nikki,

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm so sorry
Your daddy's not with you

God took him on
Away from all the pain
But if you follow the Son
You will see him once again

My heart is hurting for you
I don't know what to say
But don't be sad and blue
Wipe the tears away

For a memory never dies
Or so I hear they say
Keep his image in your eyes
Make him proud each day

So live a good life
Each and every day
Because your Father is watching you close
Even from far away
---------------------------------------------------

We're all sorry Nikki. But you know where you can go for a shoulder/computer screen to lean on.
-Matt
*mega bear hugs*

Aww.

i'm so sorry for your loss, nikki.

*hugs*

Don't cry, Nikki. Keep your chin up and make him proud. Be happy that you got to know him

Nikki, my heart (along with those of probably every CMer) goes out to you. You know that we're always here when you need us. It's always hard to lose someone, especially when you're really close to them. We'll be one big shoulder to cry on when you need us.

If you ever want to talk Nikki, I know what you're going through .. I went through those feelings when my dad died too. I know exactly what you're talking about when you said you just expect him to come home.

No, don't be afraid to cry and let your feelings out .. don't keep everything inside, that's the worst you could do The last thing I wanted to hear when my dad died was "I'm sorry" so I won't say it .. I hated those words. It will get easier, you're gonna go through a lot of emotions in the next weeks or so, just go with them and feel, it makes it a little bit easier.

I'm sorry to hear that, Nikki.

We'll all be here when you need us

ya, exactly just let things be, and remember all the great things about your dad. I'm sure he's in a good place right now, and he'll always be looking over you.

Nikki, my sympathies go out to you and your mom. Both of you are probably some of the sweetest people I've ever met and it doesn't seem fair that something so horrible should befall you. If there's anything any of us can do you know we're here for you.

oh, Nikki...

Yeah, like Joey said, I'm not gonna say, "I'm sorry," because it bothers me too when people tell me that when they find out that my dad died when I was a kid, why should they be sorry? they didn't do anything for that to happen and they aren't living my life, so they shouldn't be sorry.


Like I said, my dad died when I was a kid and I know it's gonna be hard, but like Joey said, you have to let yourself grieve which might mean letting go of your emotions and crying or being angry or sad or anything

I wish I didn't live so far away, or I'd come and see you and give you a big hug

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers

Nikki *hugs*

It's not fair that your dad was taken from you at such an early age.

The best advise I can give is to find someone to talk to. Talking amoungst your family is a good idea. Keep the lines of communication open. Having someone you're not emotionally tied to helps because you don't censor your self. Keeping a journal helps as well.

Some people will tell you that "You'll get over it." I don't believe that you'll ever get over something of this magnitude, but just remember that death is a part of life. Your father is much happier now. You may not get over it, but you'll learn to get past it and continue to live on...

I'm sorry to hear about your loss Nikki.

There isn't much that I can say that has not already been said, so I'll just say that I send my deepest condolences to both you and your family, and we all hope to see you soon.

Thank you so much, everyone. I love this place so much. *hugs* All your posts are so beautiful, thank you again. And, don't worry, I'm not keeping any of it inside.

I'm horrible with these kind of things, but my sincere sympathy goes out to you. I remember when a good friend of mine's father died and how hard it was on her... you're not alone

Awww I'm so sorry, Nikki.