ClumsyMonkey.net

I have tried my fucking hardest my whole life to live up to what they expect of me and still I am not good enough. And I am reminded of this daily. Better to have parents who don't care.

Joey wrote:My mom was the same way .. my phone was disconnected cuz I owed them $300 and I borrowed the money from my boyfriend at the time to get my phone turned back on cuz I knew my mom would worry if she didn't hear from me for a few days. Or if she called and I let the answering machine pick up, she'd worry about where I was or what I was doing. She called me during storms too to check on me. heh. I didn't mind .. I'll probably be the same way when I have kids. I called my mom nearly everyday .. come to think of it .. I think I called my mom more than she called me!

I only called my mom twice in the past year...

She can only reach me once a week which is the only time I turn my phone on. The thing is, I hate talking on the phone when people are around me, and there are ALWAYS people in my room. So I don't even pick up the phone when people are in my room. And the thing is, I don't wanna have to pay for long distance, so I just wait for the next time they call me and if the timing is right, I'll be left alone in the room the phone will be turned on and I might just be in the mood to pick up the phone.

Come to think about it, yeah, it's frustrating when you have something important to tell me and you just can't friggin reach me...

happeninfish wrote:I have tried my fucking hardest my whole life to live up to what they expect of me and still I am not good enough. And I am reminded of this daily. Better to have parents who don't care.

not really, no. i mean, my mom doesn't really care about me or what i do, and it fucking hurts. a lot. she tells me to move out all the time even though i have nowhere to go and she knows it. but i can't say your situation is better because i haven't experienced it first hand.

Having parents who don't care and show no interest in your dreams, passions .. isn't something you want to have .. it's hell.

Yeah, Alex, I know how it goes. I used to hear the failure and mistake comments since I was 12. It hurt for a while, but you get over it. People like your parents can make you callous to things, which can be helpful in life. After a while you'll be able to shrug their insults off and be able to do it with anyone else. Again, it's a fucked up blessing in disguise. You'll find out soon enough.

happeninfish wrote:I have tried my fucking hardest my whole life to live up to what they expect of me and still I am not good enough. And I am reminded of this daily. Better to have parents who don't care.

Well, one question I always keep in mind. Did you turn out ok? Are you happy for who you are? If you are, then no matter how harsh your parents are you still have to admit that they did a good job. If you think their high expectations have ruined your life and you could be better than what you are right now, then it's your parent's problems.

With this notion kept in mind I still love my parents, and it's not like my parents don't care. It's the fact that I don't let them care.

If you're proud of yourself and your accomplishments then you already won

Joey wrote:If you're proud of yourself and your accomplishments then you already won

Ahh

This leads to another question. Are we ever sure? Are we ever proud of ourselves genuinely? Sometimes I am, most of the time I'm not. To me, these questions always lead up to comparisons between people, and this is selective comparisons. One who are inferior to me and I know it, I consider them irrelevent and I don't compare myself to them, those who are superior to me, I only compare myself to those and I feel like hell. Why the hell did I start that idiotic Talentless thread? Do I really want to embrace my inferiority? It's a cop out really, to say that being a loser is cool. I admit that, but I can't help that.

Don't worry about your parents. They seriously become useless when you learn how to drive. I've been independant since I turned 14. That means financially. They've been looking to get me out of the house since then. You need to learn to not depend on your parents emotionally or financially. When you get over that hump, you learn how incredibly useless they really were and you find yourself growing a great deal. Don't worry Alex, things will work out. Let them think you're a failure. You know you can be something later in life. When you're successful, cut them out of your life. Just stop associating yourself with them. Don't let them see their grandchildren, don't visit them on holidays, just don't consider yourself a....whatever your last name is.

The only thing I learned from my parents is that doing drugs really messes your life up. They are complete fucking failures and too immature to be parent still, and I might have my emotional problems (probably because they did drugs when I was conceived and never stopped since) but I am a good child. I am smart, athletic, straight-edge, and pretty much a dream child, even if they choose to ignore it. I will be fine later in life, never visit them, and put them in the cheapest, lowest end retirement home I can find when they become helpless. If they get beat and die, so be it, they could have saved themselves when I was young.

I don't know whether I'm happy with myself or not .. I mean considering I'm 23 I feel like I should have accomplished much more than I have. I really don't have much to be proud of. I don't hate who I am or who I've become .. but we can always be better right?

Kiss me once in the snow wrote: If they get beat and die, so be it, they could have saved themselves when I was young.

x 289393

................

I don't know what I should think...

Part of me wants to reach the stage of being financially independent. But I don't think I wanna be detached from my family yet.

This thread is making me confused whether I really love my parents or now...CM =

I can't imagine having that much hatred for either of my parents ..

my parents are cool. i like them

If that's the case, this goes beyond disliking your parents. That's called child abuse. They should be in jail for that.

ya jeeze you complain when they should have been in jail. If everything you say is true than it's your fault for not saying anything to authorites. It's as simple as that.
I'm not trying to be harsh but there's a point where the pity stops and you have to wonder...

This is the last time I vent on this board.

Alan we're not discouraging you from venting. We're just being honest. Well at least I am. Would you prefer we said "awww poor Alan..."?

sorry if you took offense, as it was not meant to be offensive towards you.

I'm Bethany.

Alex is me on a two year delay.

So, I guess you could call her Bethany and me, Alex.


You all have no idea about Alan's parents. I swear to god I'd fucking kill them if I ever met them.

and I'm not a violent person.

settle down... You take every damn word as if it's an attack against you. You can call the cops years after the abuse happened. As far as I know you could even do something about it now. You have to learn that not everyone is out to get you. I'm just tired of the defensive attitude, when there really isn't a person here trying to harm you in any fashion