Posted: 9/20/2002, 6:48 pm
OLPFan420 wrote:I like it. It's simple and for some reason I have that feeling that it's like Alkaline Trio's "Cop" which is a good thing.
huh?
huh?
Page 9 of 14
huh?
Posted: 9/20/2002, 7:23 pm
What you wrote is simple and to the point, like Alkaline Trio's "Cop" which is a good song.
Posted: 9/30/2002, 7:19 pm
scribbled this down the other night:
looking at your feet i wonder
i think only of myself
three faces transparent
floating
over your shoes
fingers clicking pen remind me
i'm not taken like a shot
three faces indifferent
blinking
looking away
glancing at your face i pull back
eyes drop back onto the floor
three faces imagined
watching
the clicking pen
looking at your feet i wonder
i think only of myself
three faces transparent
floating
over your shoes
fingers clicking pen remind me
i'm not taken like a shot
three faces indifferent
blinking
looking away
glancing at your face i pull back
eyes drop back onto the floor
three faces imagined
watching
the clicking pen
Posted: 9/30/2002, 8:39 pm
^ Quite nice.
Posted: 10/1/2002, 12:31 pm
thanx 
Posted: 10/1/2002, 2:19 pm
it freaked me out... good job! Good Stuff!
Posted: 10/1/2002, 3:21 pm
lol it freaked u out? actually i guess it could be kinda eerie when read in a certain way. its good to see that people get a different interpretation out of it than my original idea, being able to take different interpretations is what makes poetry fun 
Posted: 10/1/2002, 5:24 pm
I'll agree with you on that
Posted: 10/10/2002, 8:06 pm
He stood quietly as the cold foam lapped at his toes
Seeking to draw him in with silent promises
He watched the waves as they rose and fell
Their steady monotony marking the passage of time
Little pebbles eddied around his feet as skin sank into sand
Cool ankles were embraced by the shifting liquid surface
He threw his head back and sighed at the sky
Which laughed down at him, a foolish human
Seeking to draw him in with silent promises
He watched the waves as they rose and fell
Their steady monotony marking the passage of time
Little pebbles eddied around his feet as skin sank into sand
Cool ankles were embraced by the shifting liquid surface
He threw his head back and sighed at the sky
Which laughed down at him, a foolish human
Posted: 10/10/2002, 8:34 pm
Your terrors hold you
Your mother told you
Not to play with fire
Your comrades hide you
They say inside you
Lies something they desire
But your eyelids close now
And you’re exposed now
And far behind your walls
Your lies erupt now
Your friends fess up now
And all your towers fall.
Your mother told you
Not to play with fire
Your comrades hide you
They say inside you
Lies something they desire
But your eyelids close now
And you’re exposed now
And far behind your walls
Your lies erupt now
Your friends fess up now
And all your towers fall.
Posted: 10/17/2002, 12:59 am
result of a sonnet assignment senior year:
We dwell inside their leaden dreams
built from remains of crumbled tow’rs,
and pay our debts in flattened hours
while swallowing our well-earned screams.
But you and I, who suffocate
while gazing out upon the gloom,
feel not that life will spell our doom,
but give us chance to shatter Fate-
We’ll free our wills with Fury’s knife
and desp’rately fight Hell’s decree;
Though exiled twice and weary, we
will sep’rately forge roads toward life.
We’ll walk apart, but not alone-
Our visions leading onward, home.
We dwell inside their leaden dreams
built from remains of crumbled tow’rs,
and pay our debts in flattened hours
while swallowing our well-earned screams.
But you and I, who suffocate
while gazing out upon the gloom,
feel not that life will spell our doom,
but give us chance to shatter Fate-
We’ll free our wills with Fury’s knife
and desp’rately fight Hell’s decree;
Though exiled twice and weary, we
will sep’rately forge roads toward life.
We’ll walk apart, but not alone-
Our visions leading onward, home.
Posted: 10/17/2002, 8:48 am
It's good. Neat rhyme pattern (it's a version of the Italian sonnet I think, right?). The only thing that could possibly be wrong with it is that sonnets are almost always iambic pentameter, and yours isn't. If you don't know what iambic pentameter is, then don't bother. It's nit-picky anyway.
Posted: 10/17/2002, 12:25 pm
I got points off for it being iambic tetrameter. Stupid technicalities.
Thanks, though!
Thanks, though!
Posted: 10/30/2002, 3:05 pm
e
Posted: 10/31/2002, 12:08 am
^ good!
Posted: 10/31/2002, 12:09 am
BTW Very Good happeninfish!
Posted: 10/31/2002, 11:42 am
Feeding the rose,
I've never been this close.
Cleaning scars,
Drawing smiles.
Water filled my eyes,
Pain sucked in my heart.
My feelings are bleeding,
Painting a heart on the floor.
This is what it was,
The love grown inside.
Lying on the floor,
Tears sinking on the ground
I've never been this close.
Cleaning scars,
Drawing smiles.
Water filled my eyes,
Pain sucked in my heart.
My feelings are bleeding,
Painting a heart on the floor.
This is what it was,
The love grown inside.
Lying on the floor,
Tears sinking on the ground
Posted: 10/31/2002, 2:05 pm
happeninfish wrote:He stood quietly as the cold foam lapped at his toes
Seeking to draw him in with silent promises
He watched the waves as they rose and fell
Their steady monotony marking the passage of time
Little pebbles eddied around his feet as skin sank into sand
Cool ankles were embraced by the shifting liquid surface
He threw his head back and sighed at the sky
Which laughed down at him, a foolish human
this is great, i love how it twists at the end
Posted: 10/31/2002, 3:51 pm
See Spot
See Spot Run
See Spot Stop
See Spot Sleep
See Spot Run
See Spot Stop
See Spot Sleep
Posted: 10/31/2002, 5:36 pm
wow... that's deep, brent. 